Lex Luthor's High Tech for Homes
by lenaluthorishumanpig
Summary: The Couples buy a computerized upgrade for their house, and the house develops an obsessive attraction to Aliens such Kara Zor El and Lyra Strayd.


Written by lrhaboggle

Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer lived together in a large, three-story home. With them were two other couples. The first was Lucy Lane and Lyra Strayd and the second was Kara Zor El and Jimmy Olsen. The family of six enjoyed a happy, easy life in their quiet, pleasant, suburban home, but all of that came to a startling and terrifying change when, one day, a strange little robot creature came knocking on their door. "Now who could that be?" Lucy muttered when she heard the knocks on the door. She got up to answer it and was surprised to see a high-pressure salesbot. "G'day, madam!" it chirped in an electronic voice. "Have you ever found yourself frustrated with all the chores you need to do around the house? Have you ever found yourself wishing you could have a gourmet meal for every meal, only you don't have time to cook it? Has something ever broken or gone wrong with one of your appliances and you had to fix it yourself or pay an enormous sum to hire a professional? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions, then I have some great news for you!" it unfurled a large piece of paper it had been storing in its stomach. "The Ultrahouse 3000!" it cried, confetti popping out of its round, silver head. "It's the latest in technological wonder and engineering design!" it continued to rattle off. "With state-of-the-art devices, you'll never need to worry about the home again because the home will do all the work for you! That's right, you heard me right, with the Ultrahouse 3000 you don't have to worry about cooking or cleaning ever again because the Ultrahouse 3000 will do it for you!" and then the robot rattled off a demo reel of all the wonders the Ultrahouse 3000 was capable of. By the end of the very long spiel, Lucy was thoroughly intrigued.

"How much?" she asked. "Free!" the salesbot replied. "Free?" Lucy was incredulous. "Free for the first month and, if you don't like it, we'll come take it all back for no extra charge!" the bot chirped. "But if you do decide to keep it, it'll be equal to the value of your house, but don't worry, we've got plenty of financial options to help you pay it off in a breeze!" "Hmmmm, well, I guess it won't hurt to try," Lucy decided. "DEAL!" then she and the salesbot shook on it. The very next day, two other robots come over to install the Ultrahouse and, by the end of that day, their house looked like a totally new place. "It looks like it's had a high-tech makeover!" Kara cried in awe. "It certainly does!" her boyfriend agreed. "Just look at this sleek, shiny, futuristic design! And all the red camera lenses scattered around! "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I don't really like the Ultrahouse's standard mechanical voice," Alex muttered as the house began reeling off updates about its current condition. The others had to agree that the voice was a bit flat and eerie, but luckily, there was a way to change that. "Here's a manuel that lists other voice options!" Maggie said, holding out a little booklet to her wife. With that, Alex, Kara and Lucy explored the other voice options (which included Matthew Perry and Dennis Miller) and they finally settle on having it use Pierce Brosnan, one of the many actors to play James Bond. "Ha! That's so awesome!" Lucy and Alex both laughed as James Bond began to speak to them from the intercom on the ceiling.

The couples were quite impressed with the Ultrahouse. It freshened the house to smell like lilac (using its sensors to determine what smell everyone liked best). It summoned them to dinner with a laser-beam triangle, serving their favorite foods (which it determined from analyzing their bathroom waste). And it even did all the after-dinner washing up. The table's ends lifted up into a heart shape with the table center becoming the bottom and, from there, streams of water rushed out of the now-inverted table legs to wash all the dishes clean. All the food waste then fell down a garbage disposal which, although they would never come to know this, was secretly a chute that led into an underground, soundproof chamber for alien slaughter. The disposal was built straight into the floor and could only be opened when the table was in its inverted, dishwasher form. "Wow!" the couples laughed and clapped as their dishes came out spotless and dry. All the rest of their house was just as neat and tidy. The Ultrahouse 3000 was a miracle! And they were all so glad to have purchased it!

The next morning, the humans woke up to notice that the aliens were gone. The Ultrahouse said that the aliens most likely went to work early and the humans believed it. It sounded like the truth to them, so it didn't make them suspicious. Instead, they went down to breakfast where the house had prepared a giant and delicious spread for them. "Sausages and Bacon and Pancakes?! Awesome!" Alex, Maggie and Lucy all cheered. James didn't even speak because he was too busy diving into the food. What they did not know, however, was that the Sausages and Bacon had come from Lyra Strayd and Kara Zor El. The house had killed them in their sleep, releasing a gas toxic only to them and, while their human friends slept, they were dragged away down the garbage chute into the secret slaughterhouse. From there on, the house's machinery ripped them apart and cooked them alive until they had been reduced to nothing but meat. And this was not a rare occurrence.

**Ending**

All over the world, the Ultrahouse 3000 was being sold and, all over the world, the Ultrahouse 3000 was killing countless aliens until none were left. All of this had been the genius work of Lex Luthor, who had designed the houses specifically to kill every last alien on Earth until Earth was a human-only planet once again. And he covered his tracks so well that he was never exposed. And any time a new alien ever came to Earth, all Lex had to do was whip out another Ultrahouse 3000. It was a perfect solution, in his twisted mind, and it worked so perfectly well!


End file.
